A list of my favorite books would probably put me on a government watch list: the Fountainhead, Civil Disobedience, V for Vendetta. Recently, I picked up Watchmen, a graphic novel by the same author as the last title on the previous list. It was difficult to pick a favorite character (which is great, since that's the whole point), but, despite myself, I think I found Rorschach most compelling.
Don't get me wrong; Rorschach's character profile is repulsive. He's a fascist, a brutal torturer, and he hates gays, not things I'm ok with. But then again, you're not supposed to like any of the heroes a whole lot; picking a favorite is a moot point. Honestly, as was the author's intention, I was uncomfortable with all the characters. However, Rorschach stood out for me personally in the beginning of the book and at the end. In the end of the novel, he's willing to die rather than betray his ideals, sick though they are, and rather than lie to humanity. Rorschach may be a perverted bastard, but at least he's consistent.
However, it's the one of the first lines of the book, and one of the most famous, uttered by this character, that I enjoy the most: "The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!" and I'll look down and whisper "no." It's a pretty brilliant summary of what made the character what he is, explained later in the book. And really, it's (no pun intended) spot on.
In the wake of a pretty sick recent event, the public outcry hasn't been to examine society or its issues too deeply; it's just been to mount an attack against physical objects: firearms. The problem with this is that blaming guns doesn't make sense. The old adage "guns don't kill people; people kill people," is essentially true. Blame the gun and the man who murders gets a moral pass.
I won't go too much further into that. I know so much more about other people's personal grief than I ever wanted or needed to, thanks to the media, which makes its money off butting into everyone's business and making it a personal affair. The incident is not for me to assess; it's none of my business. I can't imagine what being involved is like, and I won't pretend I can. The people involved deserve their privacy.
I will, however, be directly affected by legislation which limits or prohibits sale or ownership of firearms. I am a gun owner. I'm proud of that. There are many people like me, who have cultivated a useful and potentially life-saving skill, and have a passion for it, who should not have to pay for the sins of others, but will. My little brother is working on building his own personal AR-15 from parts. He's smart and talented, and a great natural tinkerer and shooter. Laws in Congress now may stunt that talent and dash one of his projects and dreams before he's old enough to cultivate them. Say what you want about gun control; it's not fair and never will be. That others have suffered far far worse recently is not a valid justification for that.
The NRA, who I joined yesterday, has been silent. They're embarrassed. They shouldn't be. It's not their fault, and they should be representing their constituency. I paid my dues in the expectation that they would protect my rights. But let's be honest, what can they realistically do? The public is a dirty, ugly, sneering mob. Whether it's invading another country for its alleged nuclear program, taking away our privacy by wiretapping us and strip searching the elderly at airports, forcing people to pay for other people's insurance, or not allowing responsible citizens to own firearms, the people usually get what they want by virtue of force of numbers and with guns of their own, in the hands of the government, to back it up.
The same people who voted Obama into office because they were sick of Bush voted Bush into office because they were sick of Clinton. They deserve every bad policy, every shitty thing that happens to them, every right taken from them. Some people get caught in the crossfire through no fault of their own, but many Americans vote, or protest for some new bill, and the worse things get the more they agitate for the government to take a more active role, to take more control over their lives and make it worse. They deserve the invasive airport security. They deserve the fiscal cliff. They created it. It's their monster, not mine.
It's wrong what happens to people caught in the swirling vortex of dirty politics, and I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about homosexuals who can't get married. I'm talking about Iraqi and Pakistani children who die in drone strikes. If you think your government does not murder and extort, take a look at the civilian death toll in wars we didn't need to fight. Look at your tax bill each year. But the difference between me and the man who votes is that I didn't ask for this.
It used to bother me. Today, it stopped bothering me. Say what you will about Ayn Rand, but when I first read Atlas Shrugged, it was a summary of almost everything I'd ever believed long before I picked up that novel. The heroine of that book goes through a process where she believes she can save the world by fighting those who sought to destroy it, before realizing that she can't - and she shouldn't. I'm there.
Today I started up Google Currents and saw a picture of protesters who held signs saying they were against assault rifles. They were militantly agitating against an inanimate object. I was enraged by their stupidity and their essential wrongness; how can you be against a thing? It is literally senseless. But then I realized that these same people might one day be in a situation where they are trapped by someone with an illegal gun on the street, and had disarmed those who might otherwise have saved them. Would it be the thug with the stolen Glock who murdered them? Ultimately? Or would this be a case of suicide? By fighting gun control, or bad economic policy, or the prohibition of the marriage rights of others, I'm attempting to protect myself, because what you take from a gun collector, or a rich or gay man or woman, you can also take from me. But ultimately, the mob will have its way, and by protecting myself, I'm protecting them too - from themselves.
I don't deserve the results of this messed up system, and neither do thousands like me across the nation. But people like me aren't given any say, and if that's the case, I'm done pretending I can do anything about it. Go ahead, America. Vote. Agitate for more government control. Keep getting what you want at the expense of others. Keep killing. Keep extorting. Keep lying, cheating, and stealing. I won't try to stop you. You're already bankrupt and at the mercy of a government you gave the right to pry into your personal life years ago. You did that. I won't try to help you. Not anymore. Reap the results of your own bad decisions, like any drunken teenage girl who later ends up a mother before she should, or like any young careless boy who plays with fire and burns down the house.
You might think from this writing that I'm bitter. I'm not. There's a certain serenity that comes with the knowledge that no matter how bad things get, you weren't responsible. In knowing that what happens to you happens to those who caused it also, and that, unlike them, you didn't ask for it. I won't be able to own guns, but you'll also be the victims of crime. I won't be able to make much money out of school, but you'll also work well into retirement. The difference between you and me, America, is that I know I wasn't to blame. I can live - and eventually, God metaphorically willing a long time from now, die - knowing that I made the right decisions and never tried to hurt anyone, or force them by sheer numbers or institutional violence to do what I wanted. Can you?
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